| The
Lampoonery Home | Menu | What's new | Ad parodies | Lampoonery Times | Store | Leftovers | Feedback |
| Right now, somewhere in the world, a voice is crying out. |
|||||
John is troubled by grocery shopping and has difficulty just getting through it every week. The symptoms manifest themselves as soon as he enters the supermarket. Invariably, he chooses the hand basket instead of the cart, thinking, "I really only need a few items." Soon, the basket and both arms are burdened with canned goods and a 20-pound sack of dog food, while his mind is burdened by the minutia of ingredients labels and price comparisons. As he staggers forlornly past the laundry detergents, his big eyes cloud and well up with tears in an attempt to determine the best buy. Whether to use a coupon for a nationally-known name brand or to buy the store brand at the everyday low price? He sadly gazes up at the medicine shelves. Weakly, John tries to decide if he should go with the no-name pain reliever or instead believe the ugly rumor that those generic pills are made from the floor sweepings that the large pharmaceutical companies have discarded. And then, of course, there's the search for a cheese substitute that's lactose and fat free. The dizzying array of choices that he's confronted with follows him right to the cashier. Cash or ATM card? Paper or plastic?
You see, John suffers from a surprisingly common and still untreatable malady. He's an Indecisive Obsessive Shopper. But even though there may not yet be a cure, there can still be hope. You can bring that hope to John and brighten your corner of the world by sponsoring him for only one hour a week. He doesn't ask for much - just shopping day off so he can sit in front of the television and eat donuts and drink coffee.
Yes, for just one hour a week, you can provide life sustaining hope by doing his shopping for him. Imagine the simple joy you'll bring to his face when he sees you at his door carrying two large bags. And, imagine how good you'll feel when you receive John's handwritten thank-you note, together with a photograph of his refrigerator.
Just email us or pick up the phone and say, "I want to do my part to make this world a better place by doing for someone like John what they're too befuddled or indecisive to do for themselves." The trained counselors at Shopper's Relief will direct you to a person in your neighborhood who's afflicted with this crippling ailment. Maybe you can't change the whole world but you can make a difference if you do somebody's grocery shopping once a week. Your pledge will mean so much to a soul so desperately in need of hope. And you'll feel better because of it. |
|||||
| Won't you please help? | |||||
Copyright 2000 The Lampoonery. Contact us
NOTE: This site contains parody and satire and is packaged as amusingly as possible by modern writing methods. However, some settling may occur during download and product may not appear funny to the consumer.